


Shipping and Handling

by yehaesuki



Category: Super Junior
Genre: Crack, M/M, YeHae
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-18
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-02-26 22:22:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 12,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21851995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yehaesuki/pseuds/yehaesuki
Summary: In which Yesung ships HeeTeuk and KyuWook, Heechul ships EunHae, and Donghae wishes his hyungs would just mind their own business and could Yesung just kiss him already, goddamnit.
Relationships: Cho Kyuhyun/Kim Ryeowook, Kim Heechul/Park Jungsoo | Leeteuk, Kim Jongwoon | Yesung/Lee Donghae
Comments: 62
Kudos: 145





	1. Drunken Confessions

Donghae isn't really sure when it started - when hanging out with Yesung in the dorm turned into hanging out with him and Jongjin at Mouse Rabbit to taking midnight walks together by the Han River.

He has known Yesung for more than a decade, the majority of which he had spent either running from his hyung when he and Hyukjae had gone too far with one of their pranks or running to him for comfort or food or even protection that one time he accidentally dropped Heechul-hyung's phone into the toilet.

They did not have a conventional friendship back then, more of a resigned companionship on his hyung's part, Donghae suspects - his younger self had been a brat - and Donghae wonders how and why Yesung could have put up with him all those years back.

It was strange but maybe, somewhere in between late nights and personal tragedies and dealing with each other's absence during military service, somehow Donghae found himself gravitating towards the older man, had begun to share his thoughts on life and love and music and the secrets of the universe and really, _hyung, _the stars in Mokpo are different from that of Seoul, you should come home with me sometime. 

Which is how he had found himself here, reminiscing and sharing stories and talking about nothing and everything over bottles of soju and coke and perhaps he'd drunk a bit too much because Yesung couldn't have said what he thought he heard.

"I'm sorry, hyung but what?"

Yesung giggles - _giggles _\- hooks an arm around Donghae's shoulders and says, "I said…" He whispers, as though about to share his best kept secret. "I ship KyuWook." And promptly collapses against his dongsaeng in a fit of drunken laughter.

Donghae blinks, tries to ignore the burning feeling in his cheeks at Yesung's proximity - it was the alcohol, he tells himself, definitely the alcohol - tries to makes sense of what his hyung said.

"KyuWook… You mean, our Kyuhyun… and Ryeowook…" Donghae stutters.

Yesung leans in closer and Donghae almost forgets to breathe. "Yes, that's their ship name! Like how your and Hyukjae's is EunHae." A dreamy sigh. "Ah, KyuWook is the sweetest pairing."

"But they're not…"

"Right? They're not an 'official' ship and yet they still act so cute together. I love them."

"Hyung…" Donghae tries. "They're our members… and friends. And they're not together… I think."

Yesung just looks at him. "They go well together, though. Some of our fans seem to think so. Our maknaes are too cute!”

"Hyung!"

"Ah, but don't worry," a tender smile, fingers touching his cheek. "You'll always be the cutest for me, my Donghae-ah." And Donghae wonders if Yesung was doing this on purpose - talking about absurd things such as ships and fan pairings just to throw him off before delivering the killer blow - hates how those words and that smile were enough to send his heart pounding almost out of his rib cage.

He's almost grateful when Yesung faints on him right then and there, dazedly dials their manager's number, forgets about KyuWook and Eunhae and ships for a while, secretly enjoying the warmth of his hyung's (lightly snoring) body against him, almost regrets having to let go when their manager comes to take them home.


	2. No, Hyung! No!

It shouldn’t have been strange to walk into the dorm living room to find Yesung lounging on the couch and fiddling with his phone. He was about to greet the other, rather loudly just to be annoying and to dispel any weird feelings from the previous time they'd hung out together, when Yesung puts a finger to his lips, points at the other end of the couch which he now notices was occupied by the sleeping figures of their two eldest hyungs. Heechul had an arm slung around Leeteuk's shoulder who, in turn, was leaning against him. Yesung, in typical fashion, was silently documenting what should actually be a private moment.

"Hyung," Donghae whispers, frantically pulling on Yesung's shirt sleeve.

"What?" Yesung whispers back, still absorbed in his filming.

"Hyung, that's dangerous. What if they wake up? Come on, hyung, I don't want you to die."

"But isn't it cute?"

"What?"

" I never really considered it before but HeeTeuk is actually quite cute as well."

"What?!"

Leeteuk mutters something unintelligible and Yesung and Donghae freeze. He wrinkles his nose then re-assumes his former position. Yesung and Donghae breathe a sigh of relief.

"Come on, hyung. Let's go," Donghae panics and pulls Yesung into the kitchen.

"That was close, hyung," Donghae says when they're finally seated at the counter and away from possible suspicion. Yesung hums noncommittally, watching the video he'd just taken. A pause, and then, "Is this about that shipping thing again?"

"Ah, what? Shipping. Yeah, I wouldn't have believed it but the fans were right - HeeTeuk actually works outside the over-the-top skinship."

"Jongwoon-hyung," Donghae says. "They're our hyungs."

Yesung shrugs, "Don't worry, Donghae-ah. It's just all in good fun."

"It won't be fun if Heechul-hyung murders you in your sleep."

Yesung considers that for a moment, "He wouldn't do that. Super Junior still needs a main vocal."

Donghae sighs. "_A _main vocal, hyung. You're forgetting we have the maknae line."

"Oh. Well, I guess this video isn't going on SNS then?"

"Hyung!"


	3. Shipping Problems

“EunHae is real,” Heechul says randomly one day over breakfast.

Donghae, who unfortunately got to the shooting location early for once, chokes on his salad.

“Hyung!”

Yesung, who was scrolling through SNS on his phone, takes a sip of his coffee. “Tea, I suppose. I mean they are the most popular ship by far and like 80% of SuJu fanfics are about them.” A shrug. “I still like TeukChul more though.”

“Why? It’s not like Jungsoo and I are dating like EunHae.”

“But we’re not…” Donghae tries to protest but Heechul just ignores him.

“These days, Jungsoo and I can’t even breathe in the same space if it isn’t for work and only for a couple of minutes at that. Why don’t you invest your fanboying tendencies in more plausible pairings like EunHae? I mean, they practically live together!”

“In the same building, hyung! In different apartments!” Donghae whines. “In what universe is that living together?”

Yesung smirks at Heechul, ignoring Donghae as well. “By that same logic, you and Jungsoo-hyung are practically living together as well.”

Heechul glares at him. “That’s beside the point. Also, TeukChul? If you’re going to ship us, could you at least call it HeeTeuk?”

Yesung rolls his eyes. “Aish, I didn’t think you’d be this picky about who tops or bottoms. Reminds me of the entire fan war about who tops or bottoms in EunHae.”

Donghae chokes on his coffee this time. “Hyung!”

Heechul groans. “Tell me about it. That was quite stressful.”

“Ah, I forget. You were so passionate about it being HaeHyuk back then. The number of antis you made.”

“Hyung, but we’re not…” Donghae tries again, dying a little inside.

“I know right. Ah, the follies of youth,” Heechul sighs. “Now I’m wise enough to appreciate the beauty of reversible pairings.”

Yesung nods. “Right? Right? Especially now that Donghae-ah…”

“Hyungs!” Donghae shouts, slamming his hands on the table. “What the hell, I’m right here!”

Heechul gulps and Yesung finally looks up from him phone.

“Donghae, we—”

“Oh, Donghae-ah. When did you get here?”

Two pairs of eyes look at Donghae as he tears up.

“Of all people, I didn’t think you two would…” A sob. “Hyungs, I hate you both!”

And with that, he gathers his food and storms out of their common area, slamming the door behind him.

The two older members just blink at the slammed door.

A pause and then…

“Fine. I guess I was wrong. It *is* EunHae after all,” Heechul says and goes back to his chicken.


	4. Leader-nim

"So, you both know why you're here right?"

Leeteuk was sitting at a desk in a borrowed office at the shooting location, Heechul and Yesung standing before him.

Yesung just shrugs, "I don't know? For using my phone while taping?"

Heechul cuffs him upside the head. "Yah, you brat. Show more respect to your leader. Teukie, look whatever I did, I'm sorry but please do not make me delete my IG account again. I just got to 4.6M followers."

Leeteuk sighs and gives them a Look™. "You two… Can someone explain to me why Donghae came crying into the dressing room and swearing never to come early to a shoot ever again?"

Heechul and Yesung look at each other.

"Ah…"

"It must be _that._"

Leeteuk raises a brow at them.

Yesung sighs, "Well, in my defense, hyung, I don't even ship EunHae. I actually ship HeeT— mph!" Yesung is cut off by Heechul clamping a hand over his mouth.

"Ah, what Jongwoon here was saying is that we might have accidentally discussed inappropriate things without noticing that a kid was present."

"He was crying. About tops. And bottoms."

"Clothes!" Heechul says desperately. "Those were about clothes, right, Jongwoon?"

Yesung shrugs. "Well, I suppose clothes could be involved. Or not. Clothes are usually optional in fanf— ow!"

Heechul kicks him then. Hard.

"Yeah, okay. We were talking about clothes. Yes." Yesung says while rubbing his shin. "Totally not about how Heechul-hyung prefers you as a bot—ow! What the hell, hyung?" He complains when Heechul elbows him, glaring.

"Jongwoon, you shut up. Now. Just let hyung handle this, okay?"

"Enough!" Leeteuk says in his "leader" voice. "You two… I really shouldn't have expected more from you just because you're the two eldest after me, should I?"

"No, you really shouldn't have," Yesung says, avoiding another slap to the head expertly.

Leeteuk glares. "Anyway, because of that, I'll be taking away your phones until you either apologize to Donghae or untraumatize him. Now hand them over."

Heechul grumbles but obediently surrenders his phone while Yesung clutches his to his chest, looking at Leeteuk wide-eyed.

"Hyung, you can't be serious."

"I am. Now hand it over , Jongwoon."

"No! I'd die, hyung! Do you really want me to die?"

"You're being overdramatic. Heechul?"

Heechul sighs, pries the phone out of Yesung's hands and gives it to Leeteuk.

"Traitor!" Yesung curses at him. "Just because you want so bad to get into Teukie-hyung’s— ow!"

"Apartment! Yes, I'd love to see your apartment some time, Jungsoo-ah. Anyway, we'll be going then. There's no better time to apologize to an overgrown man-child than the present. Bye!" And he runs off, dragging a pouting Yesung with him.

Leeteuk blinks as they disappear behind the door.

"Did Chullie just ask to visit me at home?" 


	5. Serial Shipper?

Heechul drags Yesung all the way to the dressing room, letting him go only when they reach the door.

Yesung massages his arm, grumbling. “Aish, hyung. You didn’t have to be that rough. Now my body hurts and we haven’t even filmed yet.”

“Urgh, you brat! How dare you say that when you almost…”

“What? Told the truth? Exposed you. Well, honestly, I don’t think I even need to. You’re actually quite good at doing that yourself.”

“What?”

Yesung just smirks.

“Spit it out, Jongwoon,” Heechul says, grabbing Yesung by his collar.

Yesung sighs. “You haven’t realized it yet, have you?”

Heechul just looks at him.

“Hyung, you just invited yourself to Jungsoo-hyung’s apartment.”

“What?!” Heechul screeches. “I did no such thing… did I?” A look of horror crosses his face when the realization hits. “Oh my god, I did, didn’t I?”

“Yes, hyung. It was very fanfic-y.”

“That’s not even a word.”

“So is ‘uwu’ but then KyuWook exists and they’re very uwu. Anyway, I don’t understand why I’m even here. I don’t ship Donghae with Hyukjae. How could I have upset him?”

“Who do you ship with Hae then?”

A pause and Yesung looks away. “No one.”

“Really? A serial shipper like you?”

Yesung shrugs. “No Hae-ship piques my interest, okay? At least not like KyuWook or HeeTeuk.”

“Ah, I kind of understand Donghae now. It really is quite annoying to have people talk about your ships to your face.”

“Well, you did ask.”

“I really didn’t. Well, come on. The sooner we get this over with, the sooner we get our phones back.”

And with that, Heechul opens the door to the dressing room and walks in, only to stop abruptly, making Yesung walk into him.

“Oww, hyung, what the hell. Why did you…” Yesung trails off at the scene in front of them.

Donghae and Hyukjae were sitting on the couch. Hyukjae had his arms around Donghae who was sobbing against his shirt. Hyukjae was whispering something in Donghae’s ear, making the scene look more intimate.

“Aha!” Heechul exclaims, making the two men on the couch jump. “So EunHae *is* real! Yesex, I told you. They really are… Jongwoon?”

Heechul looks behind him to find Yesung gone.

“Now where did that brat go?”

“Hyung!” Heechul looks back at his two dongsaeng to find Hyukjae approaching, a crying Donghae in tow. “What did you just say? You know it isn’t like that at all, right?”

“So… it’s HaeHyuk.”

Hyukjae makes a strangled noise at the back of his throat. “Hyung, no. We really aren’t and now Yesung-hyung thinks... Aish, this is such a mess.”

Heechul raises a brow. “Wait, I don’t get it. Jongwoon? I doubt he’d even care if you and Donghae are really dating. He says he doesn’t ship Hae with anyone so…”

Donghae’s sobs become louder at Heechul’s words. “Waaaaaaaaah! Yesung-hyung! Waaaaaaaaah!” He cries before turning to Heechul. “Hyung, I really hate you! I’m never speaking to you ever again!” And with that, Donghae runs from the room, leaving a puzzled Heechul and an exasperated Hyukjae behind.

“Was it something I said?” Heechul asks.

Hyukjae just facepalms, wonders what he did to deserve these members, and screams internally.


	6. It’s exactly what you’re thinking uwu

Donghae runs from the dressing room, tears streaming down his face. Stupid Heechul-hyung. Yesung-hyung would care if he were actually dating, wouldn’t he? Not that Donghae wanted to date anyone in particular but the thought of Yesung not caring about him dating someone other than—

Donghae’s thoughts get interrupted when he runs into something just before he rounds the corner… or rather, someone. He is so frustrated, he actually lashes out at that person.

“Ow, what the heck, watch where you’re— mmph!”

Suddenly, he finds himself pinned to the wall, a hand clasped over his mouth. He looks up to find familiar dark eyes staring at him.

“Yesung-hyung?” he asks through the hand over his mouth. In response, Yesung leans forward to whisper in Donghae’s ear.

“Shh. Act natural,” he says before moving the hand covering Donghae’s mouth.

“Act natural? Hyung, what—”

Donghae does not get to find out what “act natural” means as his brain short-circuits when he feels Yesung move impossibly closer, pressing himself against Donghae as he snakes an arm around the younger man’s waist.

“Hyung…” Donghae says breathlessly, face flushed. “What are you doing? You’re acting strange. This is..?”

He hears two people coming their way and panics. “Hyung, let me go! People might see and get the wrong impression! Hyung!”

“Relax,” Yesung says soothingly. “I’ve got this, okay?” And proceeds to move his hand from Donghae’s waist down his hip and lower…

Donghae’s eyes widen when he feels Yesung slip something into his back pocket just in time before Kyuhyun and Ryeowook turn the corner, giggling about something. They stop to take in the sight before them.

“Yesung-hyung! Donghae-hyung!” Ryeowook exclaims after a minute. “So you two..?”

Donghae blushes, stammers. “Ah, no! It’s not like that! We’re not—” He squeaks when Yesung gives his side a squeeze.

“It is exactly like that, whatever ‘that’ is,” Yesung says. “And we’re doing whatever you think we’re doing and totally not spying or taking photos of you without you knowing to be uploaded to my secret KyuWook Tumblr account. And now your hyungs are gonna go continue whatever it was we were doing someplace else. Bye.”

And with that, Yesung proceeds to drag a still bewildered Donghae down the corridor and away from the maknaes.

Kyuhyun and Ryeowook watch the two of them until they disappear into a door somewhere in the distance. A pause and Kyuhyun smirks at his companion. Ryeowook groans.

“Fine, you win. YeDong *is* real.”

“I know,” Kyuhyun says smugly. “And it’s YeHae, by the way. Now about that dinner you now owe me…”


	7. Of cliches and rooftops

Yesung drags Donghae to the emergency exit and up several flights of stairs, never letting go of the younger man’s hand. Donghae just lets him, tries to keep up with his hyung’s pace, face still flushed and heart racing after their earlier encounter. Yesung… They very rarely do fanservice together and definitely not the type of skinship that had them flushed against each other. Donghae’s blush deepens as he remembers the feeling of being pinned to the wall, Yesung’s breath fanning against his ear and part of his neck, and yeah Yesung did say something about KyuWook and a secret Tumblr account but everything was too much for Donghae’s poor single braincell so he really didn’t understand what shipping had to do with Yesung’s small hand practically on his butt.

They finally, thankfully reach a door and Yesung stops, throwing it open. A gentle breeze blows and sunlight warms their skin as Yesung pulls Donghae into the rooftop. Once the door closes, Yesung looks at Donghae and holds out his hand.

Donghae blinks dumbly at him.

“Hae, give it to me?” Yesung says with an intense stare that makes Donghae’s breath hitch.

“Give you what, hyung?”

“You know what,” Yesung says meaningfully and Donghae swallows, throat suddenly dry.

“But h-hyung, we’re… This is… I don’t think…”

“The camera, Hae,” Yesung interrupts. “I slid it into your back pocket. Hand it over.”

“The… camera?” Donghae repeats.

Yesung sighs at Donghae’s confused expression. “Fine, I’ll get it.” He says, once again slipping his hand into the back pocket of Donghae’s suddenly uncomfortably tight pants. Donghae squeaks as he is manhandled again, watching as Yesung happily retrieves the camera and begins looking through the photos, giggling happily once in a while, oblivious to the mini heart attack he had caused.

“Ah, KyuWook really is the uwu-est. Thanks for helping me throw them off, Donghae-ah. I really thought they would catch me— Hae, what’s wrong?”

Donghae had kept watching Yesung when, suddenly, an intense feeling of disappointment and… betrayal overcame him that he had to sit down, drawing his knees to his chest, and burying his face in them to keep Yesung from noticing the tears falling down his cheeks.

“Donghae,” Yesung says, kneeling front of his dongsaeng. “Hey, was it something I said again? Look hyung is sorry…”

Donghae shakes his head, refusing to look up. He didn’t understand it himself. Why was he crying? It wasn’t like Yesung… Donghae’s eyes widen when Yesung suddenly leans forward and draws him into a hug.

“Hae, please. What is it? Tell me so I’ll know what I’m apologizing for and won’t do it again in the future.”

That makes Donghae cry harder, wiping his tears and some snot on Yesung’s shirt. Yesung can’t do anything but allow him to, petting Donghae’s head in comfort. After a while, Donghae’s sobs finally die down and he pulls away, looking at Yesung with red-rimmed eyes. Yesung reaches up to wipe away the remaining tears with his thumb with a strange expression.

“Donghae,” Yesung says. “I—”

Suddenly, the door to the rooftop slams open and Hyukjae runs in wearing a monkey onesie.

“Yah, Lee Donghae! Jungsoo-hyung says to get your ass back to the stylist noonas so they can do something about your… Yesung-hyung?”

Hyukjae looks from Yesung to Donghae, turning a deep red. “Okay, uhm, well… I’m going back sorry for interrupting please don’t kill me bye.” And with that, he slams the door shut, leaving Yesung and Donghae alone again.

Yesung and Donghae blink at each other before laughing, tension finally broken.

“Ah, that was…”

“Yeah. You don’t think we’d have to wear something as ridiculous, would we?”

Yesung shrugs and stands, helping Donghae up and together they walk to the door, only to stop in horror when the knob wouldn’t turn.

“Hyung, what’s going on?”

“That stupid monkey locked us out. We’re stuck, Hae.” 


	8. But wedding dresses suit you, Donghae-ah

“Hyung…”

“…”

“Hyung…”

“…”

“Yesung-hyung, I’m bored.”

Yesung looks up from his camera and towards the younger man sitting beside him, sighing. “I’m sorry, Hae, but I don’t think I can do anything about that right now. Jungsoo-hyung still has my phone and you say you left yours at the dressing room so we’d just have to wait for them to realize that we’re stuck. But hey, if you really want to, you can look at KyuWook and HeeTeuk photos with me…”

Donghae groans but moves closer, Yesung’s shoulder a comforting warmth against his. He’d never really understood why fans and some of their members actually liked this shipping thing. It just didn’t make sense to him how imagining real people, people you knew, as couples could make anyone happy. He watches as Yesung happily flips through different photos of Kyuhyun and Ryeowook and sighs. They were almost all basically the same — Kyuhyun and Ryeowook laughing together, whispering, sitting close to each other, some hugs. Of course they looked cute doing all those but there really wasn’t anything about them that would suggest that they could be together, at least from what Donghae could see.

“Hyung,” Donghae finally asks. “Hyung, why do you like KyuWook so much?”

“Hmm?”

“I mean, I look at those pictures and they’re, I don’t know, normal everyday ones.”

Yesung stops scrolling through the pictures and looks at Donghae thoughtfully. “But that’s the beauty of their pairing, Hae. They always seem to gravitate towards each other naturally, sitting beside each other even if they don’t have to, their interactions not always fanservice. It doesn’t help that they would really make such a cute couple.”

Donghae purses his lips. “But hyung, if by your logic people should date just because they sat next to each other that one time, even we'd practically be married now.”

Yesung just gives him a blank stare. 

“What?” Donghae asks after a while, clearly flustered.

Yesung shakes his head. “Nothing. I just thought how unfair it is that even a wedding dress would suit you.”

Donghae sputters in indignation. “What the heck, hyung! Who says I’ll be the one wearing the dress? I barely suited that schoolgirl uniform!” 

Yesung just laughs and pats his head, “Ah, my pure, innocent Donghae-ah… I’ve read it happen too many times and yeah, about 69% of the fanfic I’ve read has you pegged as a bot—”

“OH. MY. GOD.” Donghae cries, hitting Yesung’s arm.

“Ow!” Yesung exclaims, shocked that Donghae actually hit him. “What was that for, Hae? I was just stating facts.”

“Hyung, I thought you didn’t ship me with anyone and now you’re telling me that you actually read fanfics of my pairings?”

Yesung coughs awkwardly and looks away. “Well, I mean, some of them actually have a good plot so I—”

Donghae hits him again.

“Ow! Ya! Donghae-ah! You—” Yesung trails off when he meets Donghae’s sad eyes.

“So… you’re really okay with the thought of me being with other people, huh?”

An unreadable expression crosses Yesung’s face before he forces a smile. “Yeah. Sure, Hae. If that’s what you want, our Donghae can do it all~”

Donghae stares back at him for a moment before letting out a strangled noise and plopping onto his back. Yesung’s words stung and he didn’t know why. Clouds pass by, covering the sun in intervals and Donghae concentrates on his breathing, trying to calm himself down. He feels a hand cupping his cheek, a thumb rubbing gently against it, and it is only then that he realizes that he is crying. He looks up to see Yesung looking at him with a strange expression.

“Hae, please don’t cry. This is the third time today. I think I know now what’s wrong. Hyung is sorry for saying such insensitive words, Hae-ah.”

“Hyung…”

“I mean, I still agree with the fanfics that you’ll look good in a wedding dress but if it’ll make you feel any better, I promise to imagine you wearing a suit instead of a dress in the next wedding fanfic I read. Also, don’t worry.” A wink. “You looked really pretty in that schoolgirl uniform.” 

Donghae blushes, torn between punching Yesung and hugging him, settles for closing his eyes and screaming internally instead. Today was proving to be such a tiring day.


	9. Shipping Virus

Hyukjae grumbles as he drags himself back to their dressing room, fiddling nervously with his onesie’s tail. He should have known something was up when Kyuhyun all too cheerfully informed him that Donghae was on the rooftop when he asked, acting way too smug next to a sulking Ryeowook. He just assumed the maknaes had been having another of their shipping discussions.

He sighs. Like Donghae, Hyukjae never really understood the point of shipping — ironic considering the popularity of their ship. It made even less sense when it was the members who did it, Heechul being the loudest and most obvious of them all. (“Yah, Hyukjae-ah. There’re no more seats. Why don’t you sit on Donghae’s lap instead?” “Hyung, he’s literally driving.” “So?” “I don’t want to die, hyung.” “But… HaeHyuk…” “…”) Now though…

The image of Yesung cupping Donghae’s cheek resurfaces in his mind and he finds himself blushing in spite of himself. Why did that scene look so… tender? Sweet? He shakes his head and slaps himself. What the heck was happening to him, getting giddy over seeing something like that? It was almost as if…

Hyukjae’s eyes widen, barely stops himself from running into Shindong who turns around and raises a brow at him.

“Ah, Hyukjae-ah. There you are. Teukie-hyung was getting impatient so Heechul-hyung is in there… Hey, are you okay?”

Hyukjae grabs Shindong by the shoulders, looking him straight in the eye, and says, “Hyung, I think I’m infected.”

Shindong’s eyes narrow. “Infected? How? I thought we all agreed that you have to use protection when—”

“No! No! Not that kind of infection. It’s a lot of worse, hyung.”

“What then?”

“I think I just got infected by the shipping virus.”

“What? But that’s impossible… You, Siwon, Kangin-hyung, and I… Didn’t we promise that no matter what happens we will remain sane and never…”

“But hyung! I saw them with my own two eyes! They were very uwu, hyung! I really didn’t expect it but the uwu really hit me quite hard, especially when Yesung-hyung…”

“Yesung-hyung? But the maknaes said he was with…” Shindong’s eyes widen in understanding, clasping Hyukjae’s shoulders. “Hyuk, don’t tell me you…”

Hyukjae raises teary eyes to meet Shindong’s, confirming his hyung’s greatest fears. “Yes, hyung. I ship YeHae now uwu. I ship a rare pair. Help me, hyung. I don’t want to die of lack of content.”

Somewhere in the distance, Siwon drops his Bible.


	10. The uwu™

Hyukjae shifts uncomfortably under the stern gaze of their leader. After recovering from his mini panic attack over becoming a rare-pair shipper, he and Shindong had entered the dressing room to find Heechul bowing on the floor before Leeteuk, muttering apologies in different languages while their eldest hyung ignores him, nonchalantly looking at his phone. It was such a strange sight that Hyukjae and Shindong had to pinch each other to make sure they hadn’t just walked into some bizarre fan-made AU. 

“Uhm, hyungs… what’s going on? I mean, we could come back later if—”

Leeteuk startles and, upon seeing them, shakes his head as though in denial over something.

“Hyukjae-ah! Finally! You’re back! Now we can start… wait, where are Jongwoon and Donghae?”

Hyukjae swallows. “Uhm… I… they… Waaaah, I’m so sorry, hyung. I just… couldn’t do it.”

Shindong pats his shoulder in awkward comfort.

“Do what?” Leeteuk asks, confused.

“I couldn’t do it, hyung,” Hyukjae repeats. “I just couldn’t interrupt an uwu YeHae moment?”

“Wait, did someone say ‘YeHae’?” Kyuhyun asks, walking in with a still sulking Ryeowook following behind. “Oh my god, hyung! I never knew you were a fellow YeHae.”

“I wasn’t,” Hyukjae admits. “That is, until I saw them on the roof.”

“It was the uwu™ that got you, wasn’t it?” Kyuhyun says knowingly.

“Oh my god, how did you—”

“Enough!” Leeteuk says in his Leader voice. “You’re all 30-something grown ass men with busy schedules. I don’t understand how you could all still be into shipping.”

“I’m not,” Shindong feels the need to clarify.

Leeteuk ignores him. “To be honest, I wouldn’t really care if you ran dedicated stan twitter accounts or wrote fanfiction in you spare time but I’m definitely drawing the line if it begins to affect our schedule.” He stops to take a deep breath, looks around the room at the varying levels of horror and apathy on its occupants’ faces and groans. “You know what, fine! I don’t know why I even have to but I’m going to go get them myself.” And with that, Leeteuk flips his hair and stomps out of the dressing room.

Heechul stops grovelling when he notices the shoes in front of him walk away, hurriedly picks himself up and runs after their fuming leader.

“Teukie, wait! You haven’t given me my phone back yet. Hey! Jungsoo-ah!”

The rest of the members look at each other, wondering if they should be worried until Kyuhyun smirks at Ryeowook.

“50 bucks and a movie date says the uwu™ gets him too.”

Ryeowook raises a brow and smirks back.

“Throw in a week of doing the laundry and you’re on.”

At that exact moment, Siwon walks in with a smile on his face and a dozen and a half juice boxes in his arms.

“Hey, guys. Sorry I’m late. Been out there saving the world and all that.” He looks around. “So, what did I miss?”


	11. The Eyelash Trope

Leeteuk stomps up the stairs towards the roof, Heechul trailing worriedly behind him in some sort of role reversal from their earlier days.

“Teukie,” Heechul says. “Breathe. I’m sure Hyukjae tried his best but you do know how those two can be sometimes, right — lost in their own little world?”

Leeteuk shudders. Yes, he knows quite well, already having third-wheeled the YeHae couple during that one V Live.

“Yeah, well,” Leeteuk says with determination. “I’m going to have to bust into their little world and drag their asses back down since we’re already delayed by at least an hour.”

They reach the door and Leeteuk frowns when he sees that it had been locked from this side. Ah, so that would explain why Yesung and Donghae hadn’t returned. He pushes the door open and walks out only to stop in his tracks at what he sees.

Uwu, huh? Leeteuk thinks.

Donghae was lying down, head pillowed on Yesung’s lap with Yesung bent over him and… were they kissing?

Heechul lets out a low whistle. “Wow. So that explains why Yesex doesn’t ship Donghae with anyone. He wants Donghae for hims—”

Leeteuk sighs and claps his hands, making Yesung and Donghae jump, startled. “Okay, make out time’s over. Back to work you two!”

Yesung straightens up to reveal a teary-eyed and blushing Donghae who sits up and starts to stutter.

“M… m… make…”

Yesung reaches up to rub a thumb over his left cheek.

“What are you saying, hyung?” Yesung says. “Donghae-ah just got an eyelash stuck in his eye and I was helping to remove it, see?”

He shows them his thumb and the pretty long eyelash stuck to it.

“Besides, we would have gone down an hour ago if Hyukjae didn’t lock us in.”

“Oh,” Jungsoo says. “So you made up? He’s still crying though.”

“Try having an eyelash stuck in your eye.”

“It really hurts, hyung,” Donghae confirms, wiping the remaining tears from his eyes.

Leeteuk sighs. “Fine. Here’s your phone, Jongwoon. You keep getting Twitter notifications by the way.”

“Oh,” Yesung says, standing up to take his phone. “Must’ve forgotten to switch to my main from my stan Twitter account.” He looks at the screen. “Hey, Heechul-hyung! That one HeeTeuk AU updated! I can’t wait to see…”

“Hee… Teuk?”

Heechul sighs and slings an arm around Leeteuk, steering him away as Yesung offers a hand to the still sniffling Donghae to help him up. ”Ah, don’t listen to him, Teukie. When it comes down to it, I’m perfectly fine with swi...”

Leeteuk tunes Heechul out and walks stiffly away. Crazy — every single one of his members seemed to have gone mad today and Leeteuk screams silently in frustration. Seriously, can’t they schedule these things? There was only so much he could take until he goes mad himself. He looks back at Yesung and Heechul giggling over Jongwoon’s phone and a pouting Donghae following after them and comes up with a Plan™.


	12. Logistics

“Shipping schedule?”

Everyone blinks at Leeteuk as though he suddenly dyed his hair a shocking shade of blue — which he did, by the way; don’t let the blond wig he uses for broadcasts fool you.

“Hyung, did you really have to call an 8:00 AM meeting at your place? I just managed to sleep at 4:00,” Yesung says, yawning into his third cup of coffee.

“Yeah, hyung. I’m not even a shipper.” Shindong.

“What shipping schedule? Are we also doing logistics for our own merch now? Can’t we just outsource if SM doesn’t want to arrange it for us anymore?” Siwon.

“Sorry, I’m late!” Donghae says, running in in fluffy-looking pajamas and taking a seat beside Yesung on the couch, the space conveniently left empty. Yesung pushes a cup towards him and nods at the coffeemaker he’d placed on the table, inviting Donghae to help himself to it. Donghae smiles in thanks.

Leeteuk coughs.

“As I was saying, the shipping schedule…”

“Wait up,” Heechul says, raising his hand. “Don’t we have that already? The one we use for concerts?”

“That’s the fanservice schedule, hyung,” Hyukjae says. “Not that you ever follow it or even need it.”

“Hyukjae’s right. That’s the fanservice schedule, which I’m surprised I still have to remind certain pairings to keep after almost 14 years,” Leeteuk says, glaring in the direction of the coffee maker.

“In my defense, hyung, I didn’t even know YeDong was on there until the last concert.”

“Yesung-Shindong?” Donghae asks.

“Please keep me out of this,” Shindong says.

Kyuhyun rolls his eyes. “Yesung-Donghae. Seriously, I say it’s Yesung-hyung’s fault there even this confusion. If only he’d call it YeHae like normal people, none of this would happen.”

“Normal people,” Leeteuk says. “Won’t even ship enough to care about ship names.”

“So… this isn’t about logistics?” Siwon asks, confused.

Leeteuk sighs. “Anyway, here’s what I’ve come up with so far,” he says handing out printouts of a calendar for the last quarter of the year. “The days in blue are strictly no-shipping days since we’re most likely having official schedules.”

“Halloween? Hyung, how can I not ship during Halloween? So many good fanfics come out at around that time.” Yesung complains.

“I have then divided the remaining days among the different pairings.”

“So we can only ship certain pairings on certain days?” Ryeowook asks.

“Is that even legal? This is dictatorship, hyung!” Kyuhyun complains. “Also, you forgot YeHae. There are two YeHaes among us now and we demand to be represented.”

“I assume these pairings are reversible?” Heechul asks. “I mean, just to be sure I don’t break any rules.”

Leeteuk sighs, massaging his temples. “I’m sorry. I know this might be a bit too much to ask for some of you but I had to take drastic measures after the last shipping-related incident set us back for a couple of hours.”

Yesung and Donghae look at each other sheepishly.

“In our defense,” Yesung says. “It was Hyukjae’s fault.”

Hyukjae glares. “As if it was I who made Hae cry by talking about ships to his face.”

“Right!” Leeteuk says, clapping his hands for attention. “That the other thing — you can’t talk about ships to the people involved unless they’re the ones who begin the topic or expressly say that they’re okay with it now.”

Silence.

“Isn’t that creepier though?” Hyukjae asks. “If people don’t know that you’re shipping them and then you suddenly go 👀👀👀😏😏😏 whenever they do something?”

Leeteuk looks thoughtful. “Fair enough, so why don’t we say our ships now just to be transparent.”

Hyukjae begins to sweat. “Hyung, no. That isn’t what I…”

“Let’s go by age. Let me start. I ship no one.”

“HaeHyuk,” Heechul says. “Though I’m pretty much open to other pairings.”

“HeeTeuk,” Yesung says. “And KyuWook. Though I don’t mind other pairings as well.”

“No one,” Shindong says.

“Same. I don’t…” Hyukjae stammers before he chokes. “I’m sorry, I can’t do this.”

Shindong reaches out to pat his knee. “It’s okay. Just be honest and tell them the truth.”

Hyukjae smiles at Shindong gratefully, takes several deep breaths, before looking up. “Fine, I ship YeHae.”

A collective gasp goes through the room.

“Hyukkie,” Donghae says, sounding betrayed.

“I’m sorry, Hae. I know we promised but you two are really uwu so…”

Donghae sulks before realizing that everyone was looking at him.

“Oh, aren’t we going by actual age?”

Heechul snorts. “Siwon doesn’t even know what shipping in the figurative sense even is so it’s irrelevant. So,” an evil smirk. “Who do you ship, Donghae-ah?”

Donghae looks around him then, suddenly overwhelmed. His eyes meet Yesung’s curious ones, remembers their last moment on the roof, wonders what everyone would think if he actually said what’s on his mind, that he actually ships…

“Y… ShinHyuk!” Donghae finds himself blurting out the most random pairing he could think of.

Shindong tears his hand away from where he was trying to comfort a still hyperventilating Hyukjae while Yesung suddenly pulls Donghae into a hug.

“Wow! Donghae-ah! You never told me you were a fellow rare-pair enthusiast.”

“I’m a rare-pair enthusiast too, hyung,” Ryeowook says. “Why don’t you ever hug me for it?”

“That’s because YeHae is real,” Kyuhyun says. “And don’t lie — you’re actually a YeWon akgae.”

Ryeowook looks offended. “Excuse you, I also ship WonKyu.”

“I’ll pretend not to hear that. Anyway,” a smirk. “I ship YeHae, YeHyuk, KyuHyuk, KyuSung, KyuHae…”

Leeteuk frowns, looking confused. “Wait, so you ship yourself with members?”

“Heechul-hyung does too,” Yesung calls out helpfully, an arm still slung around Donghae. “But only with a certain member.” He ducks as a banana comes flying in his direction.

Leeteuk coughs. “Anyway, so that’s the schedule and those are the rules. Any violent reactions will be dealt with accordingly. Questions? Yes, Jongwoon?”

“Hyung, does this cover secret stan Twitter accounts?”

Leeteuk thinks about it. “No. Just keep it out of the real world and you’re good.”

Yesung and Heechul exchange triumphant looks.

“No taking photos in secret on non-shipping/ off-schedule days though.”

Yesung pouts.

“Will you revise this to include at least a day for rare-pairs?” Kyuhyun clarifies.

“Sure,” Leeteuk says.

“What happens if we break the rules?” Ryeowook has to ask.

The look that Leeteuk gives him then sends shivers down everyone’s spines. “Trust me. No one wants to know. Any other questions?”

No one dares after that.


	13. Tutorial

Donghae yawns as he shuffles down the corridor to Yesung’s apartment. It’s been a week since the shipping schedule had taken effect and he had barely heard from Yesung ever since the meeting at Leeteuk’s apartment for some reason. The silence on Yesung’s part made Donghae feel anxious, made him wonder if it had something to do with what happened the day they got locked out on the rooftop or if it was only Donghae who was shaken by the events of that day.

Which is why Donghae jumped at the opportunity when he received a cryptic message from Yesung asking him to come over to his apartment and to make sure Donghae isn’t followed. Well, it wasn’t like Donghae planned to do anything that day — it was a EunHae day according to the shipping schedule and it made Donghae extra paranoid when he felt like someone was watching him from the vents in his apartment this morning — so here he was trying to stop his heart from beating right out of his chest when he realizes that this would be the first time in a while that he’d be alone with Yesung in the older man’s apartment. Alone. With Yesung. In Yesung’s apartment. For some reason, that sounded so suggestive in Donghae’s mind and Donghae finds himself blushing to the tips of his ears before he catches and scolds himself for feeling like a teenager all over again.

He finally reaches Yesung’s apartment, rings the bell quickly in case he loses his nerve, wonders if he should have at least brought some food when the door opens to reveal Yesung wearing one of those loose tank tops he seems to favor these days. Donghae swallows at the sight of lightly toned arms, doesn’t get the chance to drool at the bit of exposed chest when Yesung sticks his head out of his doorway, looks both ways before pulling a startled Donghae by the wrist into his apartment. Donghae squeaks when Yesung pushes him against the door and starts frisking him, hands suddenly all over Donghae as they were on the roof, making Donghae forget how to breathe. He also wishes he’d worn his insoles today because those 10 cm Yesung had on him somehow made things even worse. Yesung finishes checking his shorts — another thing Donghae regretted wearing that day because of the noise Yesung’s hands on his bare knees almost made him make — then turns Doghae around to do the same to his back. Donghae squeaks yet again when he feels Yesung’s hands slip into his back pockets before Yesung finally straightens up.

“Okay, you’re clear,” Yesung says in a satisfied tone. “No bugs or hidden cameras planted. Are you sure no one followed you here?”

Donghae turns around, face still red. “Followed me? Uhm, no. I don’t think so.”

“Good,” Yesung nods, before his serious expression breaks into a smile. “So, brunch?”

—

Donghae looks around Yesung’s apartment as he sits at the dining table sipping his coffee, a sleeping Melo on his lap. He hears the microwave go off again before Yesung appears carrying a plate of eggs and two store-bought salads.

Donghae frowns at him. “Hyung, did you really just use your microwave to cook those eggs?”

Yesung shrugs. “It works,” he says, placing the food on the table.

They start eating in silence, Yesung seeming to zone out every now and then. Donghae chews his eggs while stroking Melo’s fur, is surprised how normal the eggs tasted, realizes this is the first “meal” Yesung had cooked for him since they were living in the dorms and suddenly, Yesung’s microwaved eggs were the most delicious things he’d ever tasted, next to his mother’s seaweed soup. He sniffles a bit, drawing Yesung’s attention.

“Donghae-ah, are you okay? Do you have a cold? Allergies?” He asks, concerned. “I have some medicine, if you need some.”

Donghae smiles and shakes his head. “Don’t worry, hyung. I’m okay.” _Just getting sentimental over your microwaved eggs_, he doesn’t say, tries to change the subject. “Anyway, why did you call me here? I mean, not that I wouldn’t want to if it’s just to hang out but you seem so... secretive about it.”

Yesung pauses, takes a sip of his coffee, before he looks at Donghae, a serious expression again on his face.

“Donghae-ah, don’t tell our hyungs but I have a favor to ask you.”

—

Donghae squirms, face flushed as Yesung watches what he is doing, chin hooked over Donghae’s shoulder, arms around his waist, chest flush against Donghae’s back. Donghae tries to ignore Yesung, he really does, tries to concentrate on what he is supposed to be doing, but fails whenever Yesung would huff in impatience when he doesn’t understand something Donghae had said or woulD ask questions in that soft husky voice of his, breath fanning against Donghae’s ear. It also doesn’t help when Yesung would shift in their shared seat, making Donghae bite his lip as he tries to think of safer, more innocent things than the way Yesung brushes up against him. It is when Yesung suddenly places his hand over Donghae’s to show him what he was having a hard time understanding that Donghae breaks and has to ask.

“Hyung, why are we doing this again?”

Yesung frowns. “What do you mean, Hae? You agreed to show me how to edit videos so I could start making KyuWook FMVs just like I always wanted.”

Donghae lets out a sigh of frustration. “That isn’t... What I mean is why are we doing this with me sitting on your lap and you breathing down my neck?”

Yesung looks confused. “Well, how would I learn if you wouldn’t show me hands on? And I’m sorry but I really only have one desk chair and we surely won’t fit sitting side by side. Oh,” a pause. “Does it make you uncomfortable? I mean, you pretty much have sat on all our member’s laps at one point, I didn’t think...”

Donghae sighs. Just how did he explain to Yesung that, though he didn’t mind sitting on people’s laps per se, sitting on Yesung’s lap like this in this situation with all the confusing feelings Donghae has been having about the other, was another matter altogether.

“It doesn’t,” Donghae finds himself saying, looking directly at the screen of Yesung’s laptop as he tries to come up with a convincing lie. “I mean, I don’t really mind sitting like this. It’s just that I guess I’m still... not used to all this shipping business. Like, see here, the way we’re editing these videos of Kyu and Wookie, it makes it appear as though they’re...”

“Together? Well, some would say that’s exactly the point of FMVs but I guess it still depends on how you look at it. In the end, they really are just a compilation of happy moments between two people, whether you ship them or not.”

Donghae blinks. That was oddly insightful.

“Seriously, don’t you watch FMVs? There are gen ones too, not only shipper ones. Our ELF are actually quite talented. I mean there was this one fanvid with you and me that was some sort of crossover between my character in Voice and yours in...”

Donghae whips around. “Wait, hyung... So you watch YeHae fanvids?”

Yesung looks at him with a deer-in-headlights expression before coughing and looking away. “Well, I was searching for videos of me in Voice and... Anyway, the point is...”

Donghae never gets to learn what the point was because at that very moment, Jongjin walks into the rooom carrying Kkoming in his arms.

“Hey, hyung. Ryu-hyung’s asking if you want to hang out. He says he’’s been trying to call you for over an hour now and... oh, hello, Donghae-hyung. Didn’t know you were visiting.”

Donghae squeaks and tries to stand, only to find that he couldn’t when Yesung sags against him, letting out a sigh of relief.

“Damnit, Jinnie-ah!” Yesung curses. “If you’re gonna barge into my room, can you at least do it more quietly? You’re going to give your hyung a heart attack one of these days.”

Jongjin rolls his eyes at him. “That’s why I keep telling you to cut back on the coffee.” He then looks between Yesung and Donghae, only then registering their positions, starts to make gagging noises. “Urgh. So that’s why you weren’t answering Ryu-hyung’s calls. Fine, I’m just gonna tell him you’re too busy with Donghae-hyung to come... I mean, to hang out.”

“But we’re not busy, actually,” Yesung says, still sounding confused. “We’re just—”

Jongjin plugs his fingers in his ears while singing loudly. “Lalala, not listening. Definitely would rather not know whatever R-rated thing you two were doing before I got here. Bye,” he says, before running out of the room.

“R-rated?” Yesung says, before cursing. “It’s not... Yah! Kim Jongjin.”

Donghae lets out a strangled noise, buries his blushing face in his hands and wonders if it’s too much to ask for a hole to suddenly open up in the ground and swallow him whole.


	14. Happy Donghae Day

Donghae slams the door to his apartment open, not bothering to hide his annoyance. He’d just gotten home from an event, wants nothing more than to collapse onto his bed, hopes for the adrenaline to die down quickly while trying not to think about what just happened and why exactly he was annoyed. He glances at the clock in his living room and tears of frustration form at the corners of his eyes when he realizes that, just like that, it had become his birthday. Donghae lets out a sigh as he changes into his pajamas and goes to his bathroom to brush his teeth. Of all the times when Yesung had to become a EunHae shipper, it just had to be on his birthday, didn’t it? He splashes water on his face, looks at his puffy and tired eyes in the mirror. 

It’s not that Donghae minded the fanservice — all things considered, a lick on the nose was as mild as it could get and Donghae was actually thankful that they were able to get away with not doing it. What upset him, though, was Yesung’s unexpected reaction to said fanservice. The older man has always said that he didn’t ship Donghae with anyone but for a moment there, Yesung actually looked like he wanted the nose-lick to happen, was disappointed when it didn’t, and Donghae’s poor braincell just couldn’t reconcile this bit of information with all the “moments” he and Yesung have been having lately, especially since Donghae agreed to help Yesung make his fanvids and set up his KyuWook YouTube channel. Sure the content they were working on still made Donghae uncomfortable but at least it gave him an excuse to hang out with Yesung at his apartment and there were actually times, in between said video-making sessions where they’d just sit and chat or eat or sing that made Donghae think that maybe Yesung was also doing this as an excuse to spend time with Donghae. But then today happened and Yesung’s serial shipper tendencies ruined all Donghae’s hopes — for what, he still hasn’t figured it out — especially when he’d overheard Yesung gushing to Heechul over the phone about the EunHae moment while they were waiting to go home, in blatant disregard of the shipping schedule. Donghae had looked around for Leeteuk then to tell on Yesung hoping that having their leader chew Yesung out would at least take some of the bitterness he was feeling away. Unfortunately for him, Leeteuk was nowhere to be found so he had no choice but to take the bitterness home with him, muttering and grumbling to himself on the ride home. He makes a mental note to bring it up the next time he sees Leeteuk when suddenly, he hears someone ring his doorbell. 

Donghae blinks. It was 12:45 AM and he really wasn’t expecting anyone. Besides, if it were Hyukjae or Donghwa or his mom, they would’ve just punched in his passcode and entered. He considers just ignoring whoever was ringing his bell but curiosity gets the better of him. He goes to check the screen next to his door only to have his heartbeat quicken when he sees who’s on the other side, takes a minute to compose himself, fix his hair, and straighten his clothes while trying to calm himself down. He didn’t really expect to have to talk to his surprise visitor this soon but there was no way he could ignore him. He opens the door. 

“Donghae-ah, thank god!” Yesung exclaims, adjusting his grip on the box he is holding. “I thought you... Wait, is Hyukjae in there?” 

Donghae doesn’t mean to do it, he really doesn’t, but the expectant look on Yesung’s face makes him lose it and he slams the door on the older man’s face. He turns around to stomp his way back to his bathroom when his bell rings once again. He grits his teeth, heaves a deep sigh, and turns back to open his door again. 

“Yah! Donghae-ah!” Yesung yells. “What the heck? Why did you slam the door on my face?” 

Donghae sighs. “I’m sorry, hyung, but if you’re here just to shove your newly discovered EunHae shipping agenda in my face, I’m not in the— Huh?“ 

Donghae trails off when instead of said EunHae shipping agenda, Yesung shoves the box he is holding in Donghae’s face. He blinks up at Yesung when he realizes what it is. 

“A robo-vacuum cleaner?” 

“Weren’t you talking about it with Teukie-hyung the other day?” 

Donghae looks confused. “Yeah, but I don’t remember you being around then to hear that.” 

Yesung ignores the unspoken question. “Well, if you don’t want it, I can bring it back. I also brought some ice cream, anyway, since I figured you’d be getting more cakes than you’d know what to do with, though I promise I’d get you a better birthay present.” 

“No. No, I want it. I was really planning to get one but... Present?” 

Yesung smiles, a beautiful, genuine, non-idol smile that has crows feet appearing at the corner of Yesung’s eyes and Donghae’s heart beating right out of his chest. 

“Yeah,” he says patiently, eyes twinkling. “Present, as in something you give people to tell them they’re precious to you, usually on special occasions like birthdays.” A pause. “Happy 34th birthday, Donghae-ah. Thank you for being born.” 

“Hyung...” Donghae says, clutching the robo-vacuum against his chest as he feels his tears start to fall again, stops breathing when Yesung raises a hand to wipe them off, hand against his cheek as he had done that day at the rooftop. 

“Crying again?” Yesung says. “And Kyu told me he heard you sniffling in the bathroom before we left. What’s wrong Hae-ah?” 

Donghae looks away. “It’s nothing, hyung. I... Fine. It’s just...” He looks up directly into Yesung’s eyes and asks, “Hyung, are you really a EunHae shipper now?” 

Yesung gives him a strange look. “Huh?EunHae shipper? What made you think that?” 

Donghae pouts. “Well, you had this shipper look in your eyes when we were on-stage earlier, you know, the one you get whenever you watch Jungsoo-hyung and Heechul-hyung interact. Oh, and I overheard you talking to Heechul-hyung over the phone.” 

Yesung’s eyes widen in panic and he grasps Donghae’s shoulders. “Oh my god, you heard that? Please tell me you didn’t tell Teukie-hyung.” 

Donghae shakes his head. “No, I didn’t. But hyung, seriously. Answer my question: are you a EunHae shipper now?” 

“No,” Yesung says forcefeully, before blushing and looking away sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head. “Yeah, I admit I may have become a bit excited because it would’ve been cute if you’d gone through with the noselick, kinda like kittens in those viral cat videos on SNS, y’know? Jongjin has become obsessed with those lately and... anyway, the point is, just because I would’ve found it cute does it necessarily mean I ship you with Hyukjae. Unless, you know, you two really are dating then of course I’m gonna have to ship you guys to show my support.” A pause. “Are you?” 

Donghae huffs. “Hyung, how many times should I tell you and Heechul-hyung that there’s nothing going on between Hyukkie and I?” 

Yesung gives Donghae a patronizing look. “There might not be now but you can’t discount the potential that...” 

“Hyung, stop. Please. There is a reason why it can’t happen, okay?” 

“But... do you want it to? Because maybe I could...” 

“Hyung!” 

A sigh. “Fine.” And then... “Huh, suddenly, that gives me an idea.” 

Donghae blinks when Yesung places his hands on Donghae’s shoulders again and laughs. “Oh my god, Hae. I think I found a way around the shipping schedule.” 

Donghae just looks at him, concerned. “Hyung, I don’t think that’s such a good i—“ 

“It’s not prohibited if it’s real.” 

“What?” 

“Shipping the pairings, Hae. The only reason for the shipping schedule is because it bothers the people involved so if they really were together, then they wouldn’t mind so much and...” 

Donghae thinks about it. “Hyung, but didn’t Teukie-hyung make the shipping schedule because it made us miss our schedule so even if the pairings were real...” 

Yesung waves him off. “Ah, he just says that but if he and Heechul-hyung really were together...” 

Donghae looks horrified. “Hyung, are you thinking of setting your favorite pairings up? Beginning with Heechul-hyung and Jungsoo-hyung?” 

Yesung nods. “And KyuWook too, eventually, but if we really want to take down the shipping schedule, we have to start with HeeTeuk.” 

Donghae blinks. “We?” 

“Oh,” Yesung asks, face falling. “Didn’t you want to help? I thought...” 

Donghae sighs. “Fine. I’ll help. But seriously, hyung, if this blows up in our faces...” 

“I’ll protect you,” Yesung says earnestly, looking Donghae straight in the eyes while taking Donghae’s hands in his and lifting them to place a kiss on Donghae’s knuckles, making Donghae’s breath hitch once again. “No matter what happens, hyung will always protect you, Donghae-ah. Trust me, okay?” 

“Okay,” Donghae finds himself saying breathlessly, doesn’t even know what he just agreed to, and really, when and how did Yesung learn to be this smooth? “I trust you.” 

“Good,” Yesung beams at the words, placing an arm around Donghae’s shoulder, inviting himself into Donghae’s apartment. “Now about that plan...” 

Donghae allows himself to be led into his own apartment, still dazed as the door closes behind them, listening to Yesung go on excitedly about the plan. They are so absorbed — Yesung with his plan and Donghae with the feeling of Yesung’s arm around him — that neither of them notices a wide-eyed Hyukjae watching from a little ways down the hall.


	15. Leeteuk’s Ordinary, Uneventful, No Shipping Day (...or so he thinks)

Leeteuk was having a relatively uneventful day, all things considered. Practice had gone as smoothly as it could and they actually finished ahead of schedule thanks to the lack of shipping-related and other buzarre incidents that usually accompanied their practice sessions. Well, mostly...

Yesung and Donghae had been acting quite strange all throughout — asking Leeteuk about random things like  his detergent brand — unbranded; favorite color of underwear — white; and how he liked his eggs for breakfast — sunny side up with a sprinkle of salt and pepper — all the while jotting things down on one of their phones. It was odd, sure, but Leeteuk couldn’t imagine what his favorite flower had to do with shipping so he let it slide. Besides, it seemed that whatever Yesung and Donghae were working on managed to make the two of them closer and whatever misunderstanding they had from the last shipping incident seemed to have been totally forgotten — the last shipping incident that Leeteuk wasn’t even supposed to know about except that he’d heard Kyuhyun and Ryeowook whispering about it while waiting for his van home.

Leeteuk shakes his head. Among the members, Yesung and Donghae were two of the ones he’d known the longest and in all those years, he’d always thought... But then Yesung never seemed interested in doing anything about it and Donghae had always been his usual oblivious self so Leeteuk had come to accept that perhaps he’d made a mistake at reading the situation.

They’re still close friends though and Leeteuk smiles as he watches the two of them looking at something on Jongwoon’s phone, heads leaning close together, shoulders brushing.

“Cute, aren’t they?” He hears someone say, looks to his side to find Heechul taking a seat beside him on the couch.

“I thought you left already,” Leeteuk says, watching Heechul raise his phone to take a picture of their two dongsaengs from across the room. Leeteuk considers calling him out for it but decides not to since he’d been observing the pair as well.

Heechul shrugs, smiling as he looks at the photo he just took. “I did but then when I checked my bag, my phone wasn’t there so I had to come back for it.” A pause. “Aren’t you leaving yet?”

Leeteuk smiles. “I was but then Yesung and Donghae ambushed me with their weird questions so I missed leaving with Hyukjae.”

Heechul frowns. “Weird questions, huh?”

“Yeah. I don’t know what they’re for but they seemed pretty harmless so...”

“Did they ask you how you liked your eggs for breakfast?”

Leeteuk blinks. “Well, yeah, though that was far from the weirdest question.” No, the weirdest one was if Leeteuk kept a cactus in his bedroom. “Why?”

“Strange, that’s exactly what—“

“Heechul-hyung! Jungsoo-hyung!” Donghae calls out to them, practically skipping towards them, Yesung following calmly behind. The older of the two had a gleam in his eye that Leeteuk didn’t know what to make of.

“Yes, Donghae-ah?” Leeteuk says, his soft spot for Donghae overriding whatever apprehension Yesung’s look was giving him.

“Come drinking with us!”

“Us?”

“Me and Jongwoon-hyung. It’s been a while since we’d hung out, the four of us.”

Leeteuk blinks. Come to think of it, when was the last time this combination of people had hung out together?

“D&E’s enlistment,” Yesung answers and it is only then that Leeteuk realizes he’d spoken out loud.

“Us four, huh?” Heechul asks. “Where are the others?”

Yesung shrugs. “Everyone else had already gone home by the time Hae and I sorted out our schedules. We were actually planning to go on our own but then you’re still here so we figured we might as well ask.”

“Demand, more like it,” Heechul snorts, looking at Donghae who was already clinging to Leeteuk. “Nah, Yesung-ah, whatever you’re planning, just stop it, okay?”

“I don’t know what you mean, hyung,” Yesung says innocently, though the smile on his face is anything but. “Donghae just really misses hanging out with you.”

“Yeah, I do,” Donghae says, smiling at Heechul, clinging to him as well and dragging Leeteuk along, gives both of them an angelic smile. “Besides, hyungs, it’s just dinner and a few drinks, what’s the worst that could happen?”


	16. Fanfiction = (Wannabe) Cupids’ Playbook

This is the worst thing that could happen, Leeteuk thinks, squished between an equally sulky Heechul and who knew how many kilograms of avocados piled haphazardly at the back of Donghae’s car. Why Donghae even felt the need to bring his own car when they were on schedule is beyond him but that’s not even the strangest part. 

Leeteuk stares suspiciously at his two dongsaeng sitting upfront — Yesung behind the wheel and Donghae on the passenger seat next to him. There were at least two things wrong with this entire set up and it was making Leeteuk fidgety. 

First: Yesung was driving Donghae's car. This was strange not only because Donghae was letting someone else drive his car when he could but also because Yesung volunteered to drive when someone else could. Not to mention that it usually shows on Donghae's face if he's supposed to be keeping something a secret and by the look on his face right now, he definitely is. 

Second: the aforementioned abnormally huge pile of avocados on the backseat. Paired with Yesung’s less than stellar driving skills — had be always been this bad a driver — and the two eldest were forced to sit together alot closer than they were used to. 

If Leeteuk didn’t know any better, he’d say this entire thing was a set up to feed Yesung’s shipping tendencies... but then their main vocal was driving and it didn’t seem like they were being filmed so Leeteuk allows himself to relax a bit, careful not to jostle Heechul’s bad leg as much as he could. 

Heechul, for his part, had been muttering under his breath about cliche fanfic scenarios, how he knew every single one of them, and that Yesung should know better than to try them on him. 

Yesung pretends not to hearthough, appears to be concentrating on driving until suddenly, the car swerves to the right before pulling to a stop and Leeteuk finds himself thrown forcefully against Heechul and across his lap as the other starts cursing at their driver. 

“Yah! Jongwoon-ah! What the hell? After all these years, you still haven’t learned to park properly? Why the fuck didn’t you let Donghae drive instead?” 

Yesung shrugs, unfastens his seatbelt before casually saying, “Oh, Donghae? I kept him up too late last night. The least I could do is drive for him.” 

This earns a blush from Donghae, making Leeteuk frown as he extracts himself from Heechul’s lap. 

“Last night?” he asks, quirking a brow. 

“Ah, never mind that, hyung,” Donghae says hurriedly, eyes looking everywhere but at Leeteuk, unbuckles his own seatbelt. “Come on, I’m starving.” And with that, he gets out of the car leaving Yesung to scramble out after him after retrieving the car keys. 

Leeteuk and Heechul look at each other in confusion before, realizing their awkward closeness, spring apart and rush out of the car as well. 

— 

Dinner is, thankfully, a rather normal affair, or at least as normal as things could get with the four of them huddled together at a small booth. 

“Sorry, hyung,” Donghae had said as they took their seats — Yesung and Donghae on one side, Heechul and Leeteuk on the other. “I didn’t know there’d be a lot of people.” 

Leeteuk just smiled at him then, trying not to think too much about the warmth to his right, knees accidentally touching every now and then. 

“It’s okay, Donghae-ah,” he said. “At least we got a table. Let’s order now, shall we?” 

So they did and soon they were laughing over sizzling meat and bottles of soju and reminiscing about the strangest things like that one time Donghae almost flushed Ddangkoma down the toilet. 

“You were so mad,” a tipsy Donghae giggles, poking Yesung’s cheek. 

“Of course, I was!” Yesung retorts. “This was a week after you attempted to spray paint its shell!” 

This makes Donghae giggle even more, goes in for another poke, misses and ends up leaning his forehead against Yesung’s shoulder. He doesn't get up though by the time his laughter subsides, making Yesung look worriedly down at him. 

"Donghae-ah?" 

“Hyung... Jongwoon-hyung, I don’t feel so good,” Donghae says and Yesung frowns. 

“Aish, how much have you...” A sigh. “Sorry, hyung. I think I better get this brat to the toilet. Wouldn’t want a repeat of The Incident (TM).” 

Heechul just laughs. “Speak for yourself, Yesex. That was entertaining as fuck.” 

“That was because you weren’t the one who ended up being puked on.” 

Heechul snorts. “Donghae literally picks your nose for you when you couldn’t. I didn’t think you’d mind.” 

Yesung groans. “It was that one time...” 

“Hyung...” Donghae whines, interrupting Yesung. “Hurry, please. I don’t think I can...” 

“Fine,” Yesung sighs before gently helping Donghae up. “Come on, up you go, Hae-ah. Let’s get this over with.” 

Leeteuk watches as the two of them walk away, Yesung placing a protective arm around Donghae’s shoulder as they navigate through the busy restaurant. The sight makes Leeteuk feel all warm and fuzzy for some reason and he wonders not for the first time if this was what Hyukjae had called “uwu.” 

“Ah,” Heechul suddenly says, making Leeteuk jump. “I guess that’ll be the last we see of them for tonight.” 

“Huh?” 

Heechul sighs. “Those two brats... Everything is so textbook fanfic material, I’m... well, this is unexpected.” 

“Park Jungsoo-nim?” Someone interrupts and Leeteuk looks up to find their table surrounded by some of the restaurant staff and... was that a violin? 

“Yes?” Leeteuk replies, looking arround apprehensively. “What is it? We’re paying before we leave, I swear.” 

The staff member just smiles. “Ah, don’t worry about that. Your two companions already took care of that. Anyway, there’s something someone wants to give you.” 

“Someone?” 

And with that, two more staff members approach with a cake and flowers as the violinist starts to play. 

Leeteuk frowns as they place the cake in front of him, handing Heechul the bouquet, until he reads what the white chocolate disk on the cake says. 

“Happy anniversary of the day we first met,” is written in loopy handwriting. “Thank you for coming into my life. From Heechul.” 

Leeteuk's head snaps to an equally surprised looking Heechul, who seems to gather his bearings just in time. 

"Aish, those meddling..." A sigh, before Heechul is handing over the bouquet of white lillies to Leeteuk with a sheepish smile. "Well, cheesy language aside, I guess they're not wrong. To 15 more years, yeah?" 

And for the first time in a while, Leeteuk, leader of all KPop and father of 13 overgrown manchildren, feels his supposedly jaded heart skip a beat.


	17. Fanfic cliches can happen to anyone, even to cupid-wannabes uwu

Donghae laughs giddily as he and Yesung run out of the restaurant, arms around each other as the restaurant's staff mask their retreat as planned, feeling as though he'd just won something. He and Yesung had been going through thousands upon thousands of words worth of fanfic for the past two weeks (thankfully pre-screened by Yesung to include only the tamer, fluffier ones) so much that Donghae had actually learned how to spot a plot twist a mile away. He also learned that there were like a grand total of three people who wrote YeHae fanfics on a regular basis but Yesung had immediately placed them in the “Donghae do not read I mean it you will be scarred forever” folder. One of them was of him as a merman living in Yesung’s tub and if Donghae just couldn’t imagine how that could even be remotely scarring.

So anyway, after so many hours of brain storming and rehearsals and one or two awkward moments of Yesung walking in on Donghae changing, this was the plan they had come up with and to be honest, Donghae is surprised that it even worked. After all, though Leeteuk was as clueless about shipper culture as any idol could get (except, maybe, Siwon), based on what Yesung had told him and what Donghae himself had unfortunately seen while going through Heechul's top-secret stan twitter account, Heechul was quite immersed in shipping culture so Donghae couldn't believe the textbook avocados in the backseat scheme worked.

Donghae feels Yesung tighten his grip around him, pulling him closer as they head towards Donghae's car, hears his hyung's laughter, and Donghae is even more grateful that their plan worked because seeing Yesung happy and smiling and laughing this freely was doing things to Donghae's heart that he'd rather not think about and really since when did the sound of Yesung's voice this close to Donghae's ear start causing butterflies in Donghae's stomach.

"Donghae-ah!" Yesung was saying. "Oh my god, Donghae-ah! That was too close! I was so sure Heechul-hyung was onto us but your acting... You really looked like you were about to puke."

Donghae looks sideways at Yesung then just in time for Yesung to look down at him with that fond, gentle smile, that eye crinkle, says, "Thank you, Donghae-ah" and Donghae finds himself feeling a bit woozy for another reason entirely.

Yesung seems to notice and that smile gives way to a worried frown as he peers down at Donghae. "Hey, Donghae-ah. You're alright, right? I mean, you're not really drunk, are you? That was barely one sip and... hey watch it you punk!"

“Hyung, what the...”

Donghae is not given the chance to even wonder what is going on when suddenly he stumbles as he is pulled flushed against Yesung’s chest, heart pounding hard against his own, while Yesung shouts curses at some random salary man who apparently almost ran them over on the sidewalk with his bike, and everything just feels so cliche, Donghae wouldn’t be surprised if this exact scene happened to be in some fanfic out there.

He opens his mouth to tell Yesung so now that Yesung seems to have finished cursing at the long-gone salaryman and begins to move forward again, only to have his legs practically pulled out from underneath him as Yesung slips on what they’d later on discover to be a banana peel and the next thing Donghae knows, he is lying on top of Yesung on the pavement, Yesung’s small hand cupping the back of his head presumably to cushion him as they fell, and Yesung’s lips...

Donghae would be lying if he said he didn’t think about that one kiss on that one show he and Yesung like to pretend never happened at least once but even that was preferable to this. At least then, Donghae was prepared. At least then, he was given the chance to take a deep breath, cover his eyes, minimize the contact, try to convince himself that Yesung was not just about to full on kiss him on national television but now...

Soft, Donghae finds himself thinking as he blinks down at an equally wide-eyed Yesung, lips still pressed gently against the older man’s, making him feel warm and fuzzy and tingly all over like never before, and Donghae wonders offhand if the universe were actually trying to tell him something.


End file.
